Are You “The Wine Mom”?

Written by Megan Howarth

Megan has been writing about her experiences as a mother and doula since 2011. People love her hilarious, refreshing and honest views on parenting and life in general. P.S She wrote this bio so this is all completely biased. Read at your own risk.

The Wine Mom is a fairly well-known online persona.

She makes funny TikToks, holding a glass of red wine (why is it always red wine?), while she mouths the words to songs about being tired, sometimes pointing at a clock or housework that needs to be done, while rolling her eyes about her annoying children being the reason she needs to crack open a bottle as soon as it’s socially acceptable (3pm these days, I think).

She’s so relatable. Everyone loves The Wine Mom.

She probably remembers to bring fun snacks to the soccer practice, and makes sure everyone has matching PJs at Christmas. She is almost always doing a great job at parenting, and I’d even go so far to say that there’s a 99.9% chance she is the primary parent to her children. It’s only fair that she gets to reward herself for all that hard word, cracking open a bottle of that sweet nectar of the parenting gods and giving herself exactly what she needs: a sweet escape from the hellish nightmare of her current situation.

In a perfect world, The Wine Mom wouldn’t exist. She wouldn’t need to. She could just be the regular mom, who has a glass of wine every once in a while. I guarantee if you’re reading this, you are the wine mom or she’s a good friend of yours.

I’ve never been The Wine Mom. Though, I will say I’ve definitely been The 23 Year Old Drunk Girl, The Only Mom At The Party With Her Childless Girlfriends Who is Just Trying to Let Loose But Overdid It And Now Needs to Go Home. I’ve definitely been someone who has let alcohol become a starring role in her life. But, I’m pretty firm when it comes to alcohol and parenting.

In May 2020, one day after my 37th birthday, my dad finally succumbed to his alcoholism. It was a long and painful road to get there, for all of us, but mostly for him. For many years, I don’t think I realized how careful I was about my drinking in front of my children, but since his death it has become very intentional.

I cannot afford to become that person. I refuse to become someone for whom alcohol defines my mood, my day, or my life.

Luckily, I have avoided the statistics. The child of an alcoholic is at a much greater risk of developing alcoholism than someone who isn’t. I don’t happen to have a problem with my alcohol intake. I’m not perfect, I can go out and have 3 or 4 beers or drinks with friends and come home late, reminding myself to take 2 Advil and chug a glass of water to avoid the terrible feeling that comes with it the next day. But, I don’t crave alcohol and can easily go all week without it.

But even still, every January 1st since 2019 (this will be my 5th year), I let everyone know that I will not be drinking all month. Dry January is the only New Years resolution I think I have ever kept.

Mommy wine culture is one of the most insidious influences causing so much harm to women and their families. It is so socially acceptable to use alcohol as a form of self-soothing, self-care, and self-love. You can build a whole entire persona around it, with t-shirts and socks and labelled wine glasses and even coffee mugs (This isn’t coffee!) as your drinking accessories.

We’ve created a culture that requires women to be tipsy in order to get through the supper and homework and bedtime routine. There is something very wrong with us if we think that’s okay.

So I don’t participate in it. I make my dry January very public and I share my story because I hope it gives other women space to realize that they, too, might need to take a look at their drinking. I am not sober year round, and that’s intentional too. I want to create a healthy relationship with alcohol for my children, so they can see the place it can have in a person’s life.

As I say goodbye to January, I hope that if you’re reading this and find yourself reflecting on the place alcohol has in your life, that you find a way to remove it from your life if it isn’t healthy. It’s not helping you be a better parent (trust me, I would know!). It’s not going to make the days easier over time, it will make them harder. Not to mention, it’s expensive, your skin looks like shit, it’s full of sugar and makes you bloated, and oh yeah your kids notice. If they haven’t, they will.

If you need help with your drinking, please talk to someone. Fuck, message me if you have nobody to confide in! Talk to your Dr. Find an AA meeting. Put the bottle down, Karen/Ashley/Brandi/Catherine/Sarah/Jen.